Vol. 16, No. 3, Oct-December 2005 

Show Basics, The Lighter Side:
The Unofficial Guide to Laser Terminology
By David Lytle, Editor, The Laserist

Dot Monkey: A laser artist who spends his waking hours tediously adjusting individual points of a laser graphic so that the projected images looks good. Because a laser graphic can contain hundreds of points linked together in a connect-the-dots style, dot monkeys spend a lot of time fine-tuning computer-generated graphics. The term was coined by the folks at Australia's Laservision Macro-Media as a follow up to pixel pusher. The process is more officially know as hand digitizing-the idea being that digital X-Y laser coordinates are moved around by hand until the desired result is achieved.

Frappe: A milky film on the flashlamp bulb that pumps a YAG laser. Frappes cause degradation in power and efficiency are caused when contaminated particles (known technically as "crap") get "fried" on the bulb.

LaseOff: An informal performance of laser works by laserists from different companies-similar to a musical jam session. The term originated at the 1990 ILDA meeting in Bradenton, Florida, and has since been used at subsequent ILDA meetings where LaseOffs have become more formalized.

Lase-on: An informal parting expression, similar to "good-bye" or "party on."

Nuclear Flamingo: A hot pink laser color created by Laser Fantasy International employees during an after-hours work session. Paul Torgeson, who coined the term, said they were attempting to create the wildest colors possible, and Nuclear Flamingo was the winner. The saturated electric magenta color is created by combing laser red with a deep blue.

Pangolin: A scaly anteater found in Africa and Asia, and also the name of Pangolin Laser Systems, which produces the popular Lasershow Designer system for creating and displaying laser shows. Pangolin founder Patrick Murphy says he is somewhat dismayed at how the name caught on, with customers saying "I've got a Pangolin" instead of "I've got a Lasershow Designer system."

Photon Fix: Most laserists truly love laser light, and have a strong craving to see a show or a beam. "I got a good photon fix at that show," said one laserist after leaving a scorchathon.

Scorchathon: An audience scanning show done strictly for laserists, with the general public not invited. International safety standards set conservative limits on eye exposure to laser light, and some laserist feel comfortable exposing themselves (but not the public) to more exciting power levels. Remember: these people are professionals-don't try this at home!

Spaz and Flail: When a laser projector (or other lighting instrument) repeats the same effect over and over again until it becomes boring. A inexpensive laser system used by a club DJ might have just 16 effects that are repeated endlessly. Also used as a derogatory term when a laser show operator does not make good use of his manual laser effects controller.

Splooge: Mirrors that are not clean will distort, or splooge, an otherwise good-looking laser beam, forcing you to reach for the cleaning kit and get to work.

Stupidabeam: A derogatory term used by some laserists to refer to intelligent lighting fixtures. Laserist Steven Roberts said he coined the term because intelligent lights usually lack the processor power, memory and timing capabilities of even low-end laser controllers.

Sync: Short for synchronization, the fine art of hitting the effect keys on a laser control console so that the audience of a rave or disco "sees" as well as hears the music. The opposite of spaz and flail, if done properly. To use the terms together, laserist Steven Roberts gives this example: "The stupidabeams did the same boring spaz and flail all night, and the lighting op never bothered to even try to beat sync."